How Many Dates Before Sex: A Guide to Timing Intimacy

Common attitudes and statistics on how many dates before sex

• Three dates rule: Dating expert Jacob Lucas recommends waiting three dates before sex, as many of his clients who follow this rule end up in long-term relationships

• Within first month: The most common attitude on when to have sex while dating is that couples should wait until they've been seeing each other for more than a week, but less than a month (19%) or after one to three months of dating (19%) before having sex

• First week: 10% of Americans think it's fine for a couple to have sex within a week of starting to date, suggesting a lower ideal number of dates before intimacy

• Gender differences: Men (38%) are more likely than women (20%) to think it's acceptable for couples to have sex within the first month of dating, affecting their views on how many dates before sex

• Wait until marriage: One in eight Americans (12%) think couples should wait until marriage to have sex, representing the longest wait before intimacy

Factors influencing the decision on when to have sex while dating

• Emotional connection: Waiting for a few dates allows time to build an emotional connection and assess compatibility beyond physical attraction, influencing the ideal number of dates before intimacy

• Reducing casual perception: Waiting three dates before sex reduces the chance of being ghosted, as the person sees you as relationship material rather than just having a casual thing

• Individual preferences: Personal values, cultural background, and past experiences can significantly influence how many dates before sex feels comfortable for someone

Alternative intimacy methods while deciding when to have sex while dating

For those who prefer to wait longer before having penetrative sex, there are alternative ways to build intimacy:

• Non-penetrative sexual activities (NPSA): Activities like frottage, clitoral stimulation, oral sex, and interfemoral coitus can provide sexual satisfaction and intimacy without full penetration, allowing couples to explore intimacy before deciding on how many dates before sex

• Mindfulness-based interventions: Mindfulness for sex and intimacy in relationships (MSIR) can improve sexual function and reduce distress related to sexual problems, helping couples navigate the question of when to have sex while dating

• Sensate focus exercises: These touch-based exercises can help build intimacy and comfort with physical closeness without the pressure of sexual performance, providing an alternative approach to the ideal number of dates before intimacy

FAQ

How many dates should I wait before having sex?

While there's no universal rule, many dating experts recommend waiting for at least three dates before having sex. This allows time to build an emotional connection and assess compatibility beyond physical attraction.

Is it okay to have sex on the first date?

While some people are comfortable with intimacy on the first date, waiting longer can reduce the risk of being seen as just a casual encounter. Only 10% of Americans think it's fine for couples to have sex within the first week of dating.

When is the ideal time to have sex while dating?

The most common attitude is that couples should wait until they've been seeing each other for more than a week but less than a month (19%) or after one to three months of dating (19%) before having sex.

Do men and women have different views on when to have sex while dating?

Yes, there are gender differences. Men (38%) are more likely than women (20%) to think it's acceptable for couples to have sex within the first month of dating.

What if I want to wait longer before having sex while dating?

Some people prefer to wait longer, even until marriage (12% of Americans). In the meantime, you can explore alternative intimacy methods like non-penetrative sexual activities, mindfulness-based interventions, or sensate focus exercises to build closeness without full sexual intercourse.